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The Gettysburg Address– Cancel Culture Style

To prove how ridiculous the whole Cancel Culture and Political Correctness has gotten, I am editing and rewording Lincoln’s Gettysburg address in light of such. Please take this with the wink and smile with which it is meant…



“Four score and seven years ago…”

The use of the word ‘score’ assumes common knowledge of the term and is obviously only used to make people feel intellectually deficient.


“our fathers…”

Why not mothers? Or sisters? And what about the nineteen other sexes?


“…brought forth upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

That should read “conceived in Slavery”, and supposing that it was dedicated to “the proposition that all men are created equal” is a trigger on two points: use of the word “men” and the misuse of the word “equal”.


“Now we are engaged in a great civil war…,”

Since all taught History has been declared suspect by the Media and certain Hollywood celebrities, and is only designed to serve the interests of the extreme right, we have doubts that such a Civil War ever existed.


“…testing whether that nation, or any nation…”

The use of the term “nation” brings to mind the fallacy of a closed-border nation-state concept.


“…so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war.”

Since this alleged war only supported slavery in the end, mention of it could be a trigger point for many.


“We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.”

No soldier should be celebrated for killing people. Rather, they should be condemned in such a ceremony instead of honored.


“But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead,”

All men are cowards, soldiers even more so. This is another trigger and should be altered to be more inclusive.


“…who struggled here,”

They all had White Privilege and obviously have never struggled.


“…have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.”

History should be edited so people do forget what they should not be allowed to know. We must make them forget.


“…It is for us the living,…”

Not inclusive of the Living Impaired, undead, or other forms of existence.


“…rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.”

Nothing noble about White Privilege; rather it was advanced for despicable means.


“…It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion–”

It should be noted that their ‘cause’ was nothing less than the pursuit of an anti-Socialist agenda and by definition criminal.


“…that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain–”

Did anyone bother to apologize to the dead or ask their permission to be killed?


“…that this nation,…”

Not inclusive of types of government other than ‘nations’.


“…under God,…”

Not inclusive of other religions and highly offensive to many.


“…shall have a new birth of freedom–”

Freedom is a trigger word and not inclusive of those still enslaved by the capitalistic bourgeois system. Also, if the term ‘birth’ is used then why is this speech not more female-centric?


“…and that government of the people, by the people, for the people,…”

Not inclusive of all creatures; assumes that animals and fish are not intelligent and have no right to a say in the government. Could offend some Vegans.


“…shall not perish from the Earth.”

Have we stated if the Earth is a sphere or flat? Because many believe that saying the world is round is a centuries old plot and so this reference could offend them.



Let us now edit this speech to be more sensitive to the politically correct crowd:


“A while ago a group of people– inclusive of women, men, and members of the LGBTQRS community– created this capitalist male-centric nation at the expense of eradicating the native Indian population, conceived in the notion that all men should be enslaved by ‘The Man’.

We are now engaged in a war for support of the Industrial Military Complex, to continue our aggression against all non-whites. We have come to condemn this field and the toxic-males who justly died here, and invite protest actions to begin as soon as this ceremony is concluded. We hereby admit to our anti-Socialist agenda, apologize for being white males, and resolve to make restitution to all other races, religions, and nationalities just as soon as they tell us what we need to restitute.

We also admit the possibility of the world being flat, the existence of more than two sexes, and that animals have equal intelligence to humans.”


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