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Interviews From Across The Stars: Reba Haws Interviews Sindar

Announcer: Well, after we tracked down where Blag-ak had deposited Miss Haws (South El Monte, as it turned out, which Miss Haws insisted was STILL much safer than being carried beneath the ogre’s armpit), followed by some more therapy after a relapse from her prior encounter with Po-Adar, Reba Haws has returned for another episode of Interviews From Across The Stars (she thanks everyone for the flowers). This time she is speaking to the psychic of the group, Sindar. So join us and see how she survives this one.

Sindar: There, that’s much better.

Reba Haws (RH): Huh? What happened? Who are you?

Sindar: I am Sindar, psychic and your next subject to interview. You wouldn’t remember me coming in because your mind was still in a sorry state from your encounter with Po-Adar, so I fixed that.

RH: You did? Well, gee thanks. I don’t remember much after being turned into a News Elf.

Sindar: It’s best that way.

RH: Speaking of which…

(Reba touches her ears then sighs relief)

RH: They’re back to normal!

Sindar: I fixed that too. Now, the interview?

RH: Oh, yes, of course. Let me just straighten up here and get my notes and a glass of… Tea? They’re already here.

Sindar: Psychic, remember? Now, it was after that encounter with the dragon, though the potential had really been there all along.

RH: Huh? Oh, never mind. Let me just get to my first question here… Okay, when did you first become psychic?

(Sindar says nothing, just cocks his head to one side and looks at her until she realizes something.)

RH: Oh, I see. You already answered it. Okay, then next question…

Sindar: You’ll have to read that one in the book, but I can say that it has nicely complemented the abilities of my two friends, Sabu and Eldar.

RH: …How specifically did your encounter with the dragon– Oh. Okay, then I guess for my third question, can you tell us–

Sindar: Only that Mauklo somehow figures in. No matter which side he joins in the end, I see that side winning.

RH: Then how has–

Sindar: Nothing really changed about myself at all; not really. I was born to be this, so the ramped up psionic abilities just seem perfectly natural for me. And for your next question–

RH: Would you just wait until I actually ask it?! This has got to be the most unnerving interview yet.

Sindar: Actually, your interview with Po-Adar was; you just don’t remember much of it anymore. And again, that is for the best.

RH: Oh, I… Listen, I’ve had a hard time with all of you guys, so if you can read my mind then I hope you can understand enough to let me ask the questions first?

Sindar: I am sorry, but I was just trying to help out. You have that appointment this afternoon and I didn’t want you to be late for it.

RH: My appointment… Oh my God, you’re right. I completely forgot about it! But how did you know?

Sindar: I’m a precognitive; visions of the future. You lose the interview if you’re late, and I didn’t want to be responsible.

RH: Oh, well then… thanks. Okay then, let’s try it your way. For my next four questions…

Sindar: Tairu– that’s actually an ultraviolet color. I’ve grown a fondness for pomegranate wine. No, I don’t trust him at all, but he’s in that vision of mine and knows how to play both ends of the game quite well. Oh, Sabu is, though I do manage to keep up. And I’d say your eyes.

(To Reba’s startled look, Sindar blanches.)

Sindar: Oh, I’m sorry. You didn’t mean to ask that last one out loud.

RH: No, I didn’t. But thanks. Now, one last question. Have you ever–

Sindar: No, not yet, and I’m not even sure how I’d approach one even if I did.

RH: Well, I imagine it’d be pretty easy. I mean, if the both of you are psychic then you just exchange a couple of quick thoughts and you’re done dating. I just want to know, once you do find someone, how would you– I mean, would you do it psychically as well as physically?

Sindar: My dear Miss Haws, that is such an embarrassing question, I’m not sure how to answer.

(Reba starts to grin victoriously.)

RH: Well, looks like at last I got one up on one of you guys. Stumped by a personal question. Okay then, it looks like we’ve come to the end of this interview. This is–

Sindar: What I mean is, that I’d really have to show you. I mean, I’ve never actually done it– Sort of a psychic virgin in that way, I guess you could say.

RW: Sh-show me? Why do I g-get the feeling that–

Sindar: In theory it’s just a telepathic connection, just really deep and really intimate. Here, kinda like this.

RH: No, really, no need to demonstrate. I got that appointment, remember.

(Sindar looks directly at Reba, and Reba for her part now can’t seem to look away. Her hands grip tight onto the arms of her chair, she starts to shudder, then her eyes roll up in back of her head as her head snaps back.)

RH: Oh, I am SO dead!

Sindar: Just a matter of touching the pleasure centers of the brain. Thusly.

RH: N-no, really. You need to– YOW!

(Reba starts to pounce up and down in her seat then lets out a scream that sounds much like three panthers in heat. Her legs start kicking as she presses her back into the chair, then the chair tips back out of sight, though not out of hearing.)

RH: Oh my F-ing God! This is- WAAAAAAA!

Sindar: And in theory that should result in an experience that– Oh. I see that I can be as distracted as my friend Sabu sometimes. Guess I pressed in a bit too hard there, but I thought you had more mental discipline. Here, I’ll fix it.

(Another fixed look from Sindar and the screams of intense pleasure suddenly stop. There is a pause before one hand reaches up to the edge of the table, then slowly another one, and by degrees Reba pulls her head up into view. Her hair looks like a squirrel practiced gymnastics in it, while her face is crossed with a nearly mad grin; somewhere between a seductive temptress and a tigress seeing its prey.)

Sindar: I am sorry.

RH: Don’t… be.

(She’s panting heavily.)

Sindar: I had merely wished to answer your question completely and that required a demonstration. If I have in any way harmed–

RH: Harmed? I think you nearly shorted out my brain, and I don’t really care. That was– What? Oh, my producer tells me we’re still on the air. Okay, then, this is Reba Haws with the quickest sign-off on record, and I’m about to miss that appointment. My guest, and date for lunch, is Sindar. Now just turn everything off, because mama’s gonna be making a lot more noises.

Sindar: Miss Haws? Really, I didn’t mean to– Do you think you should be climbing over the table like that? And all that expensive equipment you’re just throwing to the floor. And I don’t think you should– Oh my. Uh, Sabu? You out there? I think I went a little bit too far. Could you get me– Whoa!

(It should be noted that it took three very large interns to wrestle Miss Haws back into her straight jacket, and further that Sindar will not be pressing sexual assault charges.)

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