Announcer: Today we are very lucky to have with us Sabu, direct from Maldene via a fortuitous dimensional portal. So join with us on this print edition of Interview From The Stars as Reba Haws gets a few words out of Eldar's brainy buddy, Sabu.
Reba Haws (RH): Welcome to the show, Mister Sabu. It's an honor having you here with us today.
Sabu: You can drop the 'Mister', it's just Sabu.
RH: No last name?
Sabu: I realize that family last names are a cultural affectation on your world, but that isn't always the case where I come from. In fact naming conventions can vary considerably. Take certain tribes of fairy folk on the dalnmar of Frecaloth; their names are actually a song describing their personal history in brief. As you can imagine, once these creatures get to over a thousand rels old, it can be quite an event listening to their names. My friend Eldar just takes to calling them all Ralph. Or the dragons of that same land. Now there-
RH: Uh, excuse me, Sabu? But I'd rather talk about some other things?"
Sabu: What? Oh, I'm sorry. I do get carried away some times. Eldar's always having to bring me back to reality. So, what did you want to know?"
RH: Well, for starters, what is life like on Maldene? I mean, you have this humungous world with three moons. As a woman, I think I'd find three moons rather romantic.
Sabu: I suppose, but there's an interesting orbital oddity involved with our moons. You see, you'll never see more than one of them in the sky at a time, and no matter where you go you will always see one. No empty skies, and no multiple full moons.
RH: Never? How is that possible?
Sabu: That is a problem I am working on now. I've been trying to develop an equation to describe their motions and I think I've almost got it. In fact, I was just working on it before this interview. There's an order of precession that is too exact to be explained by any normal sort of–
RH: You were working on them coming here?
Sabu: Why, yes. In my head as I was coming up that lift-car device of yours.
RH: You mean the elevator? But how could you be solving such a problem in your–
Sabu: Yes, elevator, which would seem to imply that it elevates- or levitates- you above the ground, though there is no actual levitation involved. Have you ever thought of putting a simple levitate spell in an empty shaft? It would be a lot more efficient than waiting for the lift-car to arrive.
RH: We don't have magic here, Sabu.
Sabu: Oh, I guess that could be a problem. How primitive.
RH: We aren't so primitive. We have airplanes and computers, and digital watches and all sorts of things.
Sabu: Yes, they all sound very nice, but I can teleport myself around the world, I can do a simple spell to tell what time it is, and I'll match my friend Sindar up against your computers.
RH: Teleporting, let's focus on that for a bit. It sounds very fantastic, but don't you have to have a good idea of where you're going first? You could end up in the middle of a mountain if you aren't careful.
Sabu: Don't your airplane pilots have to know where they're going as well? They might end up crashing into the side of a mountain.
RH: Good point. But I-
Sabu: This technology of yours sounds very quaint and all, but I can travel about without all that bad-smelling exhaust you people generate. Couldn't you people design a less foul technology? You know, I might know a few people that work for the King that could help out. You'd be surprised what a well-placed spell or two would do for your energy production problems.
RH: I'm sure, but listen can we get back to the subject of Maldene? It sounds like a very interesting world but you also have this bad guy named Miro.
Sabu: First, calling him a bad guy is like saying the center of your star is a little hot. Not that you don't have a nice star for one that small, but you get my point. Miro has been around for as long as anyone knows and his plans and goals are the current subject of the King's concerns. In fact, that's why we sought out Thïr Tÿorca, to try and find some secret that might help us against Miro.
RH: And how did that turn out? Did you find anything?
Sabu: That's kind of a long story, and I believe the subject of one of these bard's annals you people are putting out.
RH: You mean a novel? Yes, I believe that your story is in this book written by–
Sabu: All interesting, I'm sure, but I was there, and I do have other things to do than relive it. But while I'm here, tell me about this quaint little device you're using to record my voice with.
RH: It's just a recorder. Little handheld thing with a microphone.
Sabu: So, it doesn't do anything on its own? Like speak or offer advice or such?
RH: Of course not.
Sabu: Would you like it to?
Sabu: Here, it'll just take a moment.
(Gestures, sparks fly from the device)
RH: Hey, you're shorting it out. What do you think–
Recorder: Ah, that's better. Now I think we should get this interview back on track.
RH: You're talking! But how are you–
Recorder: I was just going to ask you the same thing. But to our next question. Sabu, just how great a wizard are you?
RH: It's talking. My recorder is talking…
Sabu: Well, it's really not been long since I apprenticed under Archmage Thesdil, but I am learning other things pretty fast. Eldar and the others seem to think that I'm a super-genius or such, but Sindar and I get along great with our conversations.
Recorder: So, as intelligent as you are, I expect you'll have no problems figuring out Miro's plans.
RH: How is my recorder talking on its own?
Sabu: Afraid not. You see, Miro's been at his game for several thousand rels. Whatever he's got planned, he's had plenty of time to work out all the details.
Recorder: I see. Well, it all sounds very dark and sinister. Reba, is there anything you would like to add?
RH: He wiggled his fingers and my recorder started talking on its own. What in all that's holy…
Recorder: I am afraid that our interviewer has had a brain aneurism or something. Well, it's been nice having you on our show, but I understand you must be getting back to Maldene.
RH: …just *poof* and there it started chatting away as good as you please…
Sabu: Yes, I have a lot of planning to get back to. The King needs our help and we only have a few short rels to figure out how to stop Miro.
Recorder: I understand perfectly. Well, this has been Interview From The Stars, with our host Reba Haws. I'm her recording device and our guest has been the wizard Sabu. Until next time– You know, Reba, you need a good tag line to end out these interviews with.
RH: …My recorder is possessed.
Recorder: Not what I had in mind.